Comedy & Satire Writing

The Onion


I write jokes for The Onion’s American Voices section. The writer of each joke for The Onion remains anonymous, but please contact me at if you’d like me to send you some of my jokes.




Full Articles

How to Love Yourself Even Though You Always Look Too Late to See the Cows on a Road Trip

Why I Stopped Cyberbullying and Started Scrolling Through the Comments to See if Anyone Else Said What I Was Thinking

‘I Won’t Bother You Anymore,’ Says Man Who Plans to Message You Every Time You Post Something

How to Be Happy About a Negative STI Test Without Perpetuating the Stigma



Wow! Friend Who ‘Always Got a Weird Vibe From That Guy’ Didn’t Tell You Until After He Smelled Your Hair

Doctors Hate Her! This Woman Advocates For Herself at the Doctor

REPORT: The Old Lady Sitting Next to You on the Train Sees the Erotic Scene You’re Reading

Why My Refusal to Pay My Taxes Is a Trauma Response (I only wrote the headline)

How to Stop Looking For Flaws in Your Selfies and Start Looking For Medical Issues Instead

‘This Is Where the Magic Happens,’ Says Woman in Bedroom Where She Has Intrusive Thoughts That Keep Her Up All Night

‘Next Month Will Be Really Busy,’ Says Woman Who Has Three Things Scheduled That Month


The Betches Sup Newsletter

(Somewhere between humor and journalism. Witty, easy to digest reporting on the news)

We have Trump’s tax returns. Now what? (December 1, 2022 newsletter)


Little Old Lady Comedy

Diary Of A New Twitter User Who Can’t Stop Telling People To “Normalize” Things


Flexx Magazine

Pfizer’s Covid Vaccine 90 Percent Effective, Must Be Stored In Working McDonald’s Ice Cream Machine

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